A Pandemic of Loneliness

Since the beginning of this COVID era, loneliness has been looming over our lives, over everyone’s life and it is affecting not only our emotions but also our physical and mental health. Human connection is an essential need… an integral part of being human. No one can deny this fact, even the most introverted persons like myself.

As a spiritual care practitioner serving in a hospital, I remember sitting with a widow who lost her husband to COVID in the early stages of the pandemic. They had been together for 60 years. They have no children. She was grieving 60 years of love and connection… grieving that she could not give him a goodbye hug or throw him a proper funeral… grieving not having their friends and relatives around her for comfort or for sharing precious memories. A profound feeling of loneliness was surrounding her life. She described it as sinking into a deep dark cave.

Loneliness is radically different from solitude. Loneliness is not about being alone; it is rather about feeling helpless, powerless, and lacking belonging. As human beings, we need to feel seen and heard.

Sharing her pains and deep sadness helped ease the widow’s loneliness. She was still grieving, yet she felt heard and seen. She lifted a burden off her heart and started to slowly climb out of her deep dark cave.

 And, as the pandemic progressed bringing stricter lockdown and visit restriction policies in the hospital, I witnessed more stories of loneliness: elderly patients with dementia wondering why they were abandoned by their loved ones; palliative patients craving the human touch as their bodies are withering and fading away; teenagers and young adults struggling with mental illness as the isolation took its toll on them; and the overburdened staff caught in the midst of the anxieties and sufferings with little room to vent their overwhelm and burnout.

I believe that human bonding and connection have never been more important than they are now, in this new reality of the pandemic we are facing, the new norm that is here to stay for God knows how long. The way out of loneliness or isolation is to love more deeply. A kind of love that encompasses every aspect of our life, of ourselves, and of everyone around us.

In order for us to deal with loneliness, we need to be comfortable with ambiguity. We need to approach life with love and awe seeing the wisdom in every experience even the most tragic ones. We need to learn to relax expectations, give greater weight to momentary joys, experience life more deeply, and balance healthy attachments with detachments and engagement with relinquishing.

We also need to engage in self-reflection, establish a friendship with ourselves and connect with our feelings on a much deeper level. Our loneliness requires courage in order for us to keep going. It requires patience, flexibility, and trust. Our darkest moments help us slow down, reflect on, and absorb life lessons, challenges, and trials. It helps us find the perfect rhythm that synchronizes our heart with the delicate flow of life, with all its ups and downs, joys and sorrows.

The pandemic taught me that, despite the challenging times we are living, we are still meant to enjoy the ride with all its bumps and troughs. We are meant to find joy amidst the rubbles; joy in honoring the struggle and staying curious about the endless possibilities it is bringing; joy in finding excitement in every corner and wisdom in every lesson. Importantly, joy in learning and growing; in serving; in connecting; even if, sometimes we need to dig deeper into our lonely hearts to find those connections.